Mai 19

Die Zukunft von chrissieskleinewelt

Moin ihr Leseverrückten,

wenn man genau darüber nachdenkt, dann bahnt sich mein jetziger Schritt schon länger an. Letztes Jahr im Sommer habe ich das erste Mal die Reißleine gezogen und zwei Monate (mehr oder weniger) Auszeit genommen. Ich hab mich in dieser Zeit wirklich versucht auf dem bücherbezogenen Internet fernzuhalten. Kein Youtube und damit kein Booktube, kein Blog, nichts. Warum hatte ich das gemacht?

Bereits Anfang 2014 habe ich gemerkt, dass ich mein Leben nicht mehr wirklich so auf die Reihe bekomme, wie ich es gerne würde. Es wurde alles zu viel und ich habe nur noch Last und kaum noch Glück und Freude empfunden. Man mag mir das nicht so wirklich ansehen. Ich weiß von vielen, dass sie gerade meine Videos auf Youtube immer sehr als Aufmunterung im Alltag ansehen und meine Lache scheint ja generell Grund zum Mitlachen zu geben. 🙂

Die zwei Monate ohne euch haben mir einerseits gut getan, da ich einmal wieder mehr Zeit für mich gefunden haben. Andererseits hab ich euch auch schrecklich vermisst und bereits nach einem Monat die ersten “Ausfälle” in meiner Pause gehabt und heimlich ein paar Videos geschaut und die ersten Videos auch wieder selbst produziert. Hochgeladen hab ich diese natürlich erst nach meiner Pause, aber ich war schon wieder mit einem halben Bein drinnen.

Seitdem versuche ich immer wieder durch Konzeptänderungen meines Youtubekanals und meines Blogs einen Weg zu finden, mit dem ich klar komme. Zuerst hatte ich mir vorgenommen keine Lesemonate mehr zu machen, dafür jedes Buch nach und nach zu besprechen und dadurch ausreichend Videos zu produzieren, damit ihr Stoff zum Anschauen habt. Das setzte mich dann aber wieder unter Druck, gerade in Zeiten, in denen ich wenig zu lesen schaffte. Zudem habt ihr meine Lesemonate vermisst.

Ich dachte drüber nach und hab meine Lesemonate wieder eingeführt, dafür die Einzelbesprechungen reduziert. Videos für einzelne Bücher kamen dann nur noch von Stephen King und den Büchern, die mich wirklich umgehauen haben. Nun hatte ich aber nicht mehr genug Material für zwei Videos die Woche, weshalb ich das auf ein Video am Sonntag reduziert habe.

Doch auch dies wurde mir irgendwie zu viel und es stauten sich teilweise die Videos. Es war für mich zwar ganz nett, wenn ich für zwei oder drei Wochen im Voraus Videos parat hatte, aber es mangelte mir für mich selbst sehr an Aktualität.

Auch hier habe ich wieder mit euch gesprochen und es beim Video sonntags belassen, aber die Garantie war weg. Es konnte also passieren, dass ich auch mal ein oder zwei Wochen kein Video hatte. Das konntet ihr zum Beispiel auch an meinen letzten drei Videos sehen, die ich relativ weit vorproduziert hatte.

Von euch habe ich immer nur liebe Worte gehört. Egal wie sehr ich wieder mit mir haderte, ihr habt mich beschwichtigt und gesagt, dass es euch nicht darauf ankommt wie viele Videos kommen, dass ihr auch gerne mal wartet. Trotzdem hab ich immer wieder das Gefühl euch zu betrügen, weil ich eben einfach keinen ausreichenden Content produziert habe. Man vergleicht sich halt schon mit anderen Booktubern.

In den letzten Tagen habe ich mich gerade auf diesen Bereich bezogen sehr geärgert. Ich habe ein paar Videos gesehen, die mich wirklich aufgeregt haben. Ich bin seit bald 3,5 Jahren auf Booktube dabei und auch wenn ich hier nur eine Nische bediene und demnach nie das Publikum generieren werde wie andere würde ich mich doch so bezeichnen, dass ich mittlerweile hier und dort schon gekannt werde und einen gewissen Fuß in der Branche gefasst habe. Ich werde immer häufiger privat für Aktionen angefragt und es wird immer mehr Rezensionsmaterial angeboten. Mittlerweile bin ich auch in einigen Presselisten vertreten und das macht mich etwas stolz. Ich habe ja nie viel Werbung für meinen Kanal gemacht und denke nach wie vor, dass Leute, die dasselbe interessiert wie mich, mich auch irgendwie finden werden, wenn sie es denn unbewusst wollen. Es freut mich daher, dass mittlerweile auch renommierte Verlage an meiner Meinung zu ihren Büchern interessiert sind. Ich war und bin immer ehrlich gewesen und sehe dies auch als mein höchstes Credo an. Es freut mich einfach zu sehen, dass man in der heutigen Zeit mit diesem Handeln auch gewisse Schritte gehen kann.

Es ärgert mich aber maßlos, wenn ich Kollegen im Booktubebereich sehe, die ihren Zuschauern etwas vormachen. Das kann ich eben mittlerweile beurteilen, weil mir die gleichen Angebote gemacht werden wie anderen. Zudem gibt es immer wieder die Fahnendreher, die ihren Kanal nicht so betreiben wie sie es möchten und gut finden, sondern so, wie sie vermeintlich die meisten Klicks generieren. Ich bekomme immer wieder ein Horn wenn ich Leute sagen höre, dass sie Rezensionen nicht mehr machen, weil die ja nicht geklickt werden. Entweder mache ich keine Rezensionen mehr, weil diese mich selbst nicht sonderlich interessieren oder ich gebe einen scheiß auf Zahlen und mache den Kram, der mich interessiert. Und dies ist nur ein Beispiel von vielen.

Ich stresse mich also selbst, vergleiche mich mit Leuten, die ich nicht ehrlich oder sympathisch finde und habe ewig ein schlechtes Gewissen, weil ich nicht so viel generieren kann wie andere fleißige Booktuberbienchen.

Da ärgere ich mich über mich selbst – wirklich! Wann ist es passiert, dass ich von meinem Weg abgewichen bin? Ich wollte auf meinem Kanal und meinem Blog immer das machen, was mir gefällt und was ich gut finde. Mir war von Anfang an bewusst, dass ich nie so sein werde wie andere wesentlich erfolgreichere Kollegen. Ich bin nun einmal für die Masse nicht das Schönheitsideal (bei weitem nicht), denn leider legen sehr viele hier besonders viel Wert drauf. Dann bin ich auch noch so vermessen mir meine eigene Meinung bilden zu wollen und quassel nicht jeden Stuss nach. Ich war schon immer ein Außenseiter und werde wohl auch immer einer sein. Also wann bitteschön bin ich mir untreu geworden? Und warum?

Denn wenn mir mal ganz ehrlich sind, dann bin ich mehr als glücklich euch Leser und Zuschauer zu haben. So sehr mich selbst immer Zweifel plagen, ihr bleibt trotzdem dabei und rügt mich vielleicht auch manchmal, dass ich mir nicht immer so viele Gedanken machen soll. Ihr schenkt mir ein wenig eurer Lebenszeit und schaut meine Videos oder lest meinen Blog und schreibt mir dann auch noch immer so wunderbare Dinge. Von wie vielen habe ich schon gehört, dass sie meine Videos schauen würden, wenn sie schlecht drauf sind und ich ihnen etwas Sonnenschein spenden kann. Dabei bin ich es, die euch zu danken kann.

Mein Leben ist seit geraumer Zeit ziemlich schwierig. Ihr wisst vielleicht, dass ich neben meiner Bücherleidenschaft und allem Drumherum auch noch ein Leben in der Wirklichkeit mit Arbeit, Familie und Kind führe. Wenige wissen vielleicht auch, dass dies nicht unbedingt ein “einfaches”, normales Leben ist. Mein Sonnenschein (mein Sohn) bereitet mir sehr viele Sorgen, Arzt- und Behördentermine und ist nebenher ja auch einfach ein Kind (die auch gerne mal so echt anstrengend sein können). Zudem bin ich im Schichtdienst tätig (ebenso wie mein Lebensgefährte) und wir haben nicht unbedingt eine Wohnsituation, die wenigstens in diesem Bereich zu Entspannung führt. Es gibt tatsächlich seit nunmehr einem Jahr keinen Abschnitt meines Lebens mehr, der mich nicht stressen, herunterziehen oder plagen würde.

Außer ihr!

Ich habe wirklich so immenses Glück mit euch. Gerade auf Youtube sind ja viele Hater etc. unterwegs und auch, wenn ich davon selbst schon betroffen war, so ist das wirklich bisher eine seltene Ausnahme. Indem ihr meine Videos schaut, meinen Blog lest und mir immer wieder so viele positive Resonanz gebt helft ihr mir wirklich sehr. Ich bin unendlich dankbar euch alle “getroffen” zu haben.

Danke an euch!

Wahrscheinlich ist diese Dankbarkeit euch gegenüber auch der Grund, warum ich immer ein schlechtes Gewissen habe, wenn ich euch nur so wenig geben kann. Ich möchte euch einfach etwas wiedergeben für das, was ihr mir gebt. Es ist für mich eh der Wahnsinn, dass so viele Freude an dem haben, was ich hier und auf Youtube mache.

Ich habe daher auch jetzt ein schlechtes Gewissen, da ich mir etwas vorgenommen habe, was meinen Content, vor allem auf Youtube, sehr herunterschrauben wird. Ich habe wirklich seit einigen Monaten überlegt, ob ich Blog und Youtube nicht gänzlich sein lassen soll um wenigstens ab und an etwas Zeit für mich zu haben. Mit diesem Gedanken bin ich wirklich lange schwanger gewesen, konnte ihn aber gleichzeitig nicht ertragen. Dafür ist mir all dies einfach zu wichtig und es macht mich zu glücklich. Trotzdem muss ich einen Weg finden um wieder zu Luft zu kommen.

Mir wird es schwer fallen, was ich jetzt vorhabe, aber ich denke, dass dies das Beste ist – für mich und damit auch hoffentlich für euch, weil ich wieder mehr entspannen kann, damit fröhlicher in meinen Videos bin und auch mehr zu lesen schaffe. Ich muss mein schlechtes Gewissen besiegen!

Youtube und Blog sind doch eine Menge Arbeit. Wer sowas nicht selbst macht, der unterschätzt dies vielleicht. Hinter einem Video von 10 Minuten stecken mehrere Stunden Arbeit (jedenfalls bei mir), Blogbeiträge müssen auch reifen, damit ich mit ihnen zufrieden bin. Leider habe ich schon zu oft Buchmeinungen geschrieben, mit denen ich am Ende unzufrieden war, weil sie nicht wirklich das ausgesagt haben, was ich wollte. In meinem Kopf schwirrt sehr oft, was ich als nächstes schreiben/drehen soll, wie ich das mache etc. Wenn ich also mal eine Atempause von meinen alltäglichen Sorgen und Nöten habe, dann nutze ich dies nicht zum entspannend, sondern grüble und werde immer unzufriedener. Mal ganz davon abgesehen, dass ich derzeit kaum noch lese, weil ich so frustriert deswegen bin.

Deswegen schränke ich mich jetzt selbst mit festen Regeln ein, die mir hoffentlich helfen wieder besser klar zu kommen. Ich werde meine buchtechnische Internetpräsenz soweit ändern, dass es auf meinen Youtubekanal einmal im Monat wieder meine Bücherstunde geben wird. In dieser Bücherstunde werde ich mich einfach vor die Kamera setzen, nicht bis sehr wenig schneiden und euch erzählen, was ich so gelesen habe, was Neues bei mir eingezogen ist und was mir sonst noch so im Kopf herumschwirrt.

Punkt.

Diese Bücherstunde möchte ich immer möglichst zu Beginn des Monats rückblickend auf den letzten Monat machen. Für mich bedeutet dies, dass ich mir am ersten eines Monats Gedanken um ein festgelegtes Format mache, dieses produziere und danach den Kopf wieder bis zum nächsten Monatsersten “frei” habe. Zwischenzeitlich möchte ich dann regelmäßiger auf meinem Blog aktiv sein und auf den sozialen Netzwerken, auf denen ich vertreten bin. Ich hoffe, dass ich mich so etwas mehr von mir selbst und meinen Erwartungen an mich selbst befreien kann.

Wahrscheinlich fragt ihr euch jetzt eh, warum ich nicht einfach geschrieben habe, dass es ab jetzt nur noch ein langes Video pro Monat geben wird und Punkt. Ich wollte mich einfach erklären und hoffe, dass ihr mich verstehen könnt. Sorry für das Ausschweifen deswegen.

Eure Chrissie


Copyright © 2014. All rights reserved.

Posted 19. Mai 2015 by Chrissie in category Dütt und Dat

712 thoughts on “Die Zukunft von chrissieskleinewelt

  1. Uwes-Leselounge

    Hallo Chrissie,

    nachdem ich deinen wirklich sehr guten Bericht bis zum Ende gelesen habe und wir uns ja schon etwas länger “kennen”, finde ich den Schritt absolut richtig. Wie du weißt, kenne ich mittlerweile nicht nur die Blogger Seite, sondern ja auch die YT-Seite (meine Frau Mone) und kann die arbeitsintensive Zeit n u r bestätigen.

    Auch muss immer noch genug Zeit für Privates (Kind, Partner/IN, Haushalt usw.) da sein und das Lesen ist für uns nach wie vor ein Hobby und kein Job.

    Ich freue mich, dass du nicht ganz aufhörst (damit habe ich nämlich gerechnet, als ich deinen Post heute morgen auf FB gelesen habe) und freue mich weiterhin über deine Buchempfehlungen und Meinung.

    Ganz liebe Grüße,
    Uwe

    Reply
    1. Chrissie (Post author)

      Hallo Uwe,

      du bist wirklich schon sehr lange dabei (wie ja auch deine Frau). 🙂
      Nein, aufhören kann ich gar nicht, dafür ist mir das zu wichtig. Dieser Schritt wird mir auch schwerfallen. Ich kenne mich, ich denke bald bestimmt wieder: Ach, ich könnte ja mal… Ich kann den Stress nur einfach nicht mehr aushalten. Vielleicht Burn out? Wer weiß…

      Liebe Grüße
      Chrissie

      Reply
      1. Uwes-Leselounge

        Chrissie,

        bitte nimm dir die Zeit, die du brauchst und mach langsam, es bringt einfach nichts, sich so unter Druck zu setzen! Mach dein Ding und wem es nicht passt soll sein Fähnchen in die andere Richtung drehen 🙂

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  2. yvy

    Liebe Chrissie,

    es ist unglaublich toll, dass du dir so viel Zeit für deine Leser/Zuschauer nimmst und ganz ehrlich, ich habe mich schon länger gefragt, wie du das alles so konsequent auf die Reihe bekommst. Du bist berufstätig, Mutter und hast eine Familie und ganz nebenbei (Achtung Ironie) schreibst du noch fleißig Rezensionen und drehst Videos etc.
    Hmmm, ich würde mal sagen, das ist mehr als ein Full-Time-Job, das sind direkt mehrere. Wenn sich hier jemand bedanken muss, dann sind es deine Leser/Zuschauer.

    Dass du dich im Booktube/Blogbereich etwas zurücknehmen willst (und musst) finde ich absolut verständlich und nachvollziehbar. Dein Sohn, deine Familie und besonders auch du selbst sollten an erster Stelle stehen. Nimm dir Zeit für die wichtigen Dinge und bleib dir selbst treu.

    Ich freue mich auf deine Texte und Videos, egal wann und wie oft sie erscheinen. Für mich ist es die Qualität, die zählt, nicht die Quantität. Und bitte, bitte, bitte hör auf, dich zu stressen, weil du meinst, du seiest irgendwem etwas schuldig. Wenn überhaupt, dann bist du es dir selbst schuldig, deinen Alltag so zu gestalten, dass du und deine Lieben glücklich sind.

    Alles Gute und liebe Grüße,
    Yvonne

    Reply
    1. Chrissie (Post author)

      Hallo Yvonne,

      vielen lieben Dank für deine lieben Worte.
      Mein Sohn stand, steht und wir immer an erster Stelle stehen, aber du hast Recht, ich muss lernen auch mir selbst mehr Freiräume zu geben. Das möchte ich ja jetzt. 🙂
      Und ich geb mir Mühe mich nicht mehr so zu stressen und mir so viele Gedanken zu machen. 🙂

      Liebe Grüße
      Chrissie

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  3. Conny

    Als erstes solltest du dringendst aufhören darüber nachzudenken was andere Booktuber leisten und machen und überhaupt. Fakt ist das mir persönlich zum beispiel all die anderen inzwischen nicht mehr zusagen weil man oft wirklic denkt das sind nur noch irgendwelche Maschinen die da ihren Text runter rasseln und kaum noch irgendwas an persönlichkeit mitbringen.

    Du bist wirklich eine der ganz wenigen die mich menschlich wirklich auch noch berühren und interessieren – eben weil du nicht wie die meisten anderen bist und das ist wirklich auch gut so. Bleib du selbst und wenn es dazu nötig ist das du einen “cut” machst … dann mach das. Das eigene Wohlbefinden und vorallem auch die Familie sollte immer das allerwichtigste sein.

    Chrissie so wie sie ist ist super. 🙂

    Lieber sehe ich ein Video alle ein zwei Monate von einer wirklich positiven Chrissie als ein zwei Stück die Woche in welchem man immer irgendwie merkt das doch irgendwas nicht so ganz stimmt.

    Mach dir keinen Stress und fang wieder an mehr ganz für dich bzw. euch da zu sein und nicht zu sehr für uns hier. Wir sollten nie so überhand nehmen in deinem Kopf das es nur noch zum Streß wird.

    Reply
    1. Chrissie (Post author)

      Hallo Conny,

      danke für deinen lieben Post. Ich nehme mir deine Worte wirklich zu Herzen, da ich denke, dass ich genau so handeln sollte. Danke dafür. 🙂

      Liebe Grüße
      Chrissie

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